Mother's Day

     This year I was asked to speak in sacrament on Mother's Day.  I wanted to share my talk on this post.  Because of the way I like to speak I usually make notes but wing it when the actual time comes so the talk didn't turn out exactly how it was here but most of it was the same.  I hope you all had a good Mother's Day.

     I wasn't planning on being here today.  I asked someone to take my Relief Society lesson and made sure that Carol would be here to play the organ.  And then the bishop asked me to speak.  I told him that I hadn't planned on going this year on Mother's Day since it is such an emotionally precarious day for me.  I asked if I could speak the week after instead.  He reminded me that next week was High Council speaker Sunday and asked if he could come over and talk to me.  When he came to my house we shot the breeze for a few minutes then the bishop told me that Mother's Day was a challenge as a bishop.  I hadn't realized previously how many women have a hard time with Mother's Day, but apparently quite a number of women end up offended or hurt.  He was worried about the women in our ward.  He felt that women in general tend to internalize things and beat up on ourselves.  On Mother's Day that means that if women hear about someone's wonderful mother that they feel it means they're not doing good enough as a mother and are consequently hurt.  So this year he wanted someone to talk on the sanctity of womanhood and he would like that person to be me.  Obviously, I agreed.
     Two things occurred to me after my talk with the bishop.  One thing that didn't occur to me until days later was that in speaking to me about his reasons for wanting me to talk and what he would like me to talk about, the bishop tapped into that womanly trait that I have of wanting to help others and not wanting people to be inconvenienced. When I realized this, my thought was, 'Well played, Bishop.  Well played.'  The other thing is that after the bishop left the first thing I said to my husband was, "Well now I feel guilty for complaining."  Inside I was thinking about how the bishop was just trying to do his calling and that I should have been more accepting of the assignment in the first place, etc...  Then I realized that I was proving the bishop's point right that second.  Here I was beating up on myself and internalizing everything to reflect on me and I just had a chuckle to think that the bishop was totally right.  We as women do beat up on ourselves too much.  Why do we do that?  For myself, I think that I see this superwoman type of person that I want to be and I constantly compare myself to that ideal or to other women around me who I seem to have the traits I seem to glaringly lack.  In these comparisons, I end in coming up short every time.  Sometimes I wonder if we shouldn't look at ourselves through other people's eyes.
     In writing this talk I ran across a metaphor which I really liked.  One of the basic concepts of light is that the light around us or white light is a combination of all the visible wavelengths of colored light.  When a ray of light enters a prism it refracts or bends.  Different wavelengths refract at different angles so by the time the light leaves the prism it is not longer traveling as a single ray.  The white light has dispersed into a series of colors called a visible spectrum.  We see this in nature when sunlight shines through a raindrop to produce a rainbow.  The single ray of white light represents all of us as women.  We are united that aspect- a beam of light traveling together. And then we hit the prism of our Heavenly Father's plans for our individual lives.  The specific wavelength we're traveling on determines the angles at which we are capable of bending and where we will be when we come through on the other side.  When we do come through, we do not all look the same.  We all have different circumstances and therefore different colors to our lives as individuals, but we still all shine with the light of womanhood.  And the diversity between our different personalities and lives is what makes us beautiful just as the different colors of the rainbow complement and enhance its beauty as a whole.
     The Lord has given us common traits as women that we can use to learn and grow.  Sheri Dew described a few of these as: 'heroic faith, a keen sensitivity to the spirit, an abhorrence of evil and complete selflessness'.  I love her.  That makes me feel super strong.  Other traits that I have noticed we have as women are generosity, a willingness to sacrifice, a natural desire to nurture others and a compulsion to create in whatever capacity we have.  I've seen these in my own excellent mother, my sisters, family, friends, women in the ward and other women of influence in my life.
     As for our individual lives, the color that God has chosen for us may not be our favorite color; it may not be the color we wanted to come out looking like.  But it is the color God has chosen for us and He's tailored it to our specific lives.  It is the color through which we can shine the brightest if we use our own unique skills and gifts which He's given us.  Some talents I have tried to cultivate are a sense of humor, a determination to push through hardship and an ability to discern how and why family members feel and do things, which has helped particularly in my efforts to raise other people's children and in my marriage itself.
     Along with talents, God has given us weaknesses and struggles which He has promised are for our experience and which can help to sharpen our color.  Ether 12:27 says: 'And if men come unto me I will show them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble, and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, for if they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.'  I have heard the bishop say more than once that our trials are specifically targeted to our weaknesses.  I have seen this in my own life.
     I have always struggled with my self worth.  And a few years ago after all of our fertility treatments were through and everything had failed I was confused and devestated.  I had prepared for years to be a mother.  I had never wanted a career, I only wanted to be a mom.  And all of a sudden that identity and future were just gone and I didn't know what to do.  There was a big, gaping hole in my life and my heart and there was nothing to fill it.  I heard people say that the purpose of women were to be mothers and I would think, 'Well, I guess I have no purpose then.' It made me feel unworthy and of no value.  I struggled with this for a long time.  I still do sometimes.  Then one day I was reading a talk by Elder Russell M. Nelson called Women- Of Infinite Worth and a few small lines grabbed my attention and helped me change the way I thought the Lord felt about me.  'To help another human being reach one's celestial potential is part of the divine mission of women...In partnership with God her divine mission is to help spirits live and souls be lifted.  This is the measure of her creation.'  I read this and thought, This is something I can do.  I may not be able to bear and rear my own children, but I can love and lift.  I can help and teach and serve and give.  Honestly what could be a more scared purpose than that?  Heavenly Father's own mission according to him in Moses 1:39 is 'to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man'.  Isn't helping others reach their celestial potential the same thing?  If that purpose is so special and important to God, it is certainly good enough for me, regardless of how those specific people come into my life.
     The problem I find the most in remembering how important my purpose is lies in the distractions of everyday life.  As women this work that we have been given to do doesn't happen in huge events.  It occurs in small, daily things that we do.  And because they're so small and so regular we underestimate their importance and our worth.  We don't realize that those small things we do are the very way we accomplish this purpose that Heavenly Father has given us.  The lyrics to one of my favorite songs depicts this very struggle that we as women seem to have.  It's called 'In the Meantime'.

In hear heart she holds the dreams

She's carried since the day she turned thirteen

Of all that she would be when she was grown

Of all that she would do when she was finally on her own

She dreamed she'd fly

She's still waiting for the chance to try

But in the meantime she's a mother and a daughter and a wife

Doing all she can to stay above the daily grind

And she wonders when she'll ever have more meaning in her life

She doesn't know she's being molded and refined

In the meantime

Someday she'll go back to school

When the carpools and the soccer games are through

Cause deep inside she's still the girl

Who's always felt the fire to make a difference in the world

She dreams she'll soar

When she finally has the time to do more

But in the meantime she's a sister and a teacher and a friend

Hours turn into days that turn to years that never end

And she wonders if she'll ever really find herself again

But she's becoming one on whom God can depend

In the meantime

Heaven feels the joy of every victory in her life

And heaven hears her heart before she cries

And somewhere in the middle of the triumphs and the trials

She's becoming sanctified

And in the meantime she's an answer and a blessing and a gift

To every empty aching heart that only she can lift

Still she wonders if she'll ever get to see where heaven is

If she could only see her mansion waiting there

If she could only feel how much her Father cares

She would know she's being perfectly prepared

In the meantime

     I should not doubt my worth or belittle the contributions I make to my Heavenly Father, even though they may be small and even though they may not be the same as other women contribute, because God can to a lot with whatever I can give.  Psalms 42:11: 'Why art thou cast down o my soul?  And why art thou disquieted within me?  Hope thou in God.'  I want to be thankful for the opportunities I've been given to use my gifts and skills to make the lives of others better.

     The last thing I'd like to address is the question we as women ask ourselves so many times- Why?  Why does my purpose or my path in life have to be so difficult?  One of my favorite quotes comes from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.  Years ago he spoke at the MTC and though this talk was directly concerning missionary work, I think the work we do as a woman to lift souls and help them to their divine potential is the same work so it applies beautifully.  He said, "Anyone who does this kind of work will have occasion to ask why is this so hard?...I am convinced that it is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience.  Salvation never was easy...How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never ever easy for Him?  It seems to me that we have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane.  We have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary."

     I'm thankful to be a woman.  I'm thankful for my people in my life who I have had a chance to love and help, for the talents I have had the chance to cultivate and that I have the chance to continue to try to turn my weaknesses to strengths to become the woman my Savior wants me to be.  I know He loves me and each of you women as well.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Chase's Baptism

Chase requested the songs 'The Family is of God' and 'Tell Me the Stories of Jesus' for the songs.  I gave the opening song.  Elder Horrocks and Elder Murphy did the talks and Chase said the closing prayer.

Chase with Elder Murphy and Elder Horrocks

Chase and his mom Melissa

Chase, Melissa and Lyle

Chase, Lyle and I