Beautiful Places and Famous Faces

     Boy, life gets busy.  I don't blog near as often as I would like this year.  I was hoping to do this blog a couple of weeks ago, but I guess it's better late than never.

     Last month we went on vacation to Mount Rushmore and the Black Hills of South Dakota.  We left on a Monday morning after Lyle's dentist appointment (it's hard for me to get him in since he can't just leave work for a couple of hours to go to an appointment like most working people can, so we had to schedule it on the morning of our first vacation day).  There was Lyle and I, Annie, Taylor, Chase, my mom and Lyle's parents.  One big happy family traveling in the same car (our Pilot).  We did most of the driving the first day.  Chase did pretty well in the car considering we were packed tight and his tablet had broken 2 days before we left.  The first day we stopped at Martin's Cove.  It was early evening and too late to take the hour to hike to the actual cove but we went to the visitor's center and listened to the missionaries there tell all about the Mormon handcart pioneer's journey and their rescue in the winter when they were starving and dying from exposure.  It was interesting to stop and see the Sweetwater River and think about having to cross that in freezing temperatures and to ponder all the hardships that they went through in order to get to the Salt Lake Valley.

The Sweetwater River

Me at Martin's Cove

Chase, Annie and Taylor having
fun with a handcart

Taylor, Lyle, Annie and Chase

     We spent the night in Casper, Wyoming and got up the next day for some more driving.  Our first stop that Tuesday was Devil's Tower.  As we spotted the tower from a distance, the adults in the car started making references to the aliens landing at Devil's Tower (from Close Encounters of the Third Kind) but, unfortunately they didn't visit when we were there.  Devil's Tower was the 1st officially declared National Monument in the United States.  President Theodore Roosevelt made it so (and just for you trivia fans, Yellowstone National Park was the first National Park declared in the US, by the same president).  There are Native American legends about the tower and how it came to be there.  They are all pretty similar in that they start with Native American children who are playing and somehow encounter a gigantic bear.  They run away from the bear on to a rock which then miraculously grows and grows so that the bear cannot reach them and devour them, although he sure tried.  The columns all down the sides of the rock are said to be his claw marks as he tried to climb the tower to get at the children.  I believe the rock is actually volcanic/magma rock that pushed up though the crust and cooled into the tower we see today.We went on an easy hike around the tower.  Something I didn't know, rock climbers are legally allowed to climb on the tower (there were a few there that day).  They ask people not to climb in June because the local Native American have religious ceremonies they hold then, but they cannot legally stop them.

Devil's Tower from a distance

Strong Man Chase holding up the Monument

Picture in the visitor's center
depicting the Native American legend
of how the tower came to be

     We continued our journey into South Dakota and the beautiful Black Hills.  By the way, they get their name from the kind of Ponderosa Pine tree that is most prevalent on the hills.  This kind of tree has needles which are black on one side which makes the hills look from a distance as if they are black. 

     After a quick stop and check in at the hotel, we were off to Mount Rushmore.  They have a nightly lighting ceremony which we wanted to see.  They have an amphitheatre and everyone sits and listens to a film about each of the four presidents (Washington, Jefferson, T. Roosevelt and Lincoln) whose faces appear on the mountain and one of the park rangers talks about the monument and about the presidents.  Then we rose and sang the National Anthem while a flag waved above the stage.  About at this point the torrential downpour started.  They kept going with the ceremony (they'll only stop it for lightning, not for rain) and they called all the veterans of the armed forces to come onstage and we, as a crowd, recognized their efforts to keep our freedom.  The veterans helped with the lowering of the flag as well.  Since it rained I didn't get many pics that night, and not all of them turned out well.  I didn't mind the rain so much but for most of the family it was distracting so we decided to come the next day in daylight as well.

     I found out that Mount Rushmore was named after a lawyer named Charles Rushmore.  He had visited the area and asked what the mountain was called (before it was carved) and the locals told him that it had many names and that none of them had stuck.  They then teased him that maybe they'd name the mountain after him...apparently that name did stick.  He also ended up contributing a lot of money to the carving as well, so sure, he can have a mountain/national memorial named after him...why not?  These are the pics from both days.

You can see that in the rain, the presidents look like they're crying a bit.
Notice the American flag on the bottom which was above the stage.

I thought the soldier walking toward it was a nice touch.

These columns had each of the names of the 50 states carved in them
and all 50 state flags hanging on them.

1. 
   

Lyle, Annie and Taylor

Chase, Taylor, Annie and Ralph

     On Wednesday morning we got up and went on a ride on the 1880s train.  A train that has restored rail cars from the 1880s and which travels between the nearby cities of Keystone and Hill City.  Lyle's dad, Ralph, is a big train lover.  It was a nice calming ride.  We were some of the last people to get on at Hill City and so were split up but for the ride back from Keystone we got seats next to each other.  They don't allow walking up and down the aisles when the train was in movement, so it was truly a boring part of the trip for Chase since he had to sit there and not move around a lot and didn't have a lot to entertain him, but I think he still enjoyed it and for my part, I loved to see some of the beautiful scenery of South Dakota.

The 1880s Train

The rail car we traveled on

Inside the rail car

Annie and Chase

     Next on Wednesday we stopped at Crazy Horse Memorial.  In 1948 Lakota Chief Standing Bear hired sculptor Korcaz Ziolkowski to create a memorial of the Native American warrior Crazy Horse in remembrance of their people and culture and which was to be sculpted out of a mountain in the Black Hills of South Dakota.  He accepted and started work in June of that year.  This visionary sculptor had a clear idea of how he wanted this warrior represented and this scuplture/mountain became his life's work.  Twice during his lifetime he was offered money by the federal government (10 million dollars each time) to help finish the mountain but Korcaz refused both times.  He had strong feelings about the federal government having control of how this sculpture would be finished.  He had seen that Mount Rushmore had been ended when all of the faces had been sculpted out and the money for the project was then diverted by the federal government instead of finishing the mountain (apparently the 4 presidents were supposed to be sculpted all the way down to the waist) and he did not want the government to have that kind of control over this project.  So since 1948 this sculpture, which is still in progress, has been entirely funded by the public through donations, visits to the sight and the charges accrued through gifts, food, etc which can be purchased at the sight.  Korcaz died in 1982 but his wife and 7 out of his 10 kids have continued on with his work.  He knew he would never live to see it finished and so left very detailed instructions for the completion of the memorial.  When it is finished, it will be the largest sculpture in the entire world.  All 4 of the faces on Mount Rushmore could fit into just the head portion of the Crazy Horse Memorial.  There is still a lot left to go, but it's excited to see that the passion to finish the project has never failed over all these years.  I made a donation and got a piece of the rock from one of the blasts on the mountain as a souvenir.  

Crazy Horse Memorial

Crazy Horse Mountain in the distance with the model
of how it will look when finished in front.

     Part of our favorite part of the trip happened as we were leaving Crazy Horse Memorial.  After viewing the museum and the orientation film and taking pictures of the mountain and the model and, of course, eating ice cream, we sat and watched three Native Americans do tribal dancing.  Jumping Buffalo, Iron Thunder and Swift Warrior are 6th, 7th and 8th generation descendants from Chief Sitting Bull.  It was beautiful and I am thankful for these people who want to preserve their heritage and share it with those of us who would like to know more.  Iron Thunder is the 19 year old son of Jumping Buffalo.  He sat and talked with Chase for a while.  He asked Chase if he wanted to know how to say something in his language.  Chase replied with, "Are you Mexican?"  I tried so hard not to laugh loudly.  Thankfully, he wasn't offended but thought Chase was funny.  All three of the dancers made comments on how they liked Annie's pink hair.  After the dancing, we had a chance to get a photograph with them.  Chase, Annie and I wanted to do that.  Iron Thunder made sure he got to stand next to Annie and even made a kissing face at her.  

     After this, it was time to leave (we wanted to see Mount Rushmore in the daylight which is what we did next) and we were walking to the car when Annie and Taylor decided they wanted to go to the restroom before we left, so they ran inside the building again.  Iron Thunder, Swift Warrior and a young female relative were come out a separate exit and saw my kids running inside.  Iron Thunder shouted out, "Hey, Pink Hair!  Pink Hair!"  at Annie trying to get her attention.  Annie didn't hear him and continued running in towards the restroom, but I heard (couldn't help it as I was standing mere feet away from the trio at the time) and I started laughing.  They turned around and looked at me and the female said, "Hey, she's your daughter, isn't she?"  I said yes.  At this, Iron Thunder came closer to me with a curious look on his face and asked me just how old Annie was anyway. I responded, "She's 13." He blanched and hid his face behind his hand while exclaiming, "Oh, Geez!" while his companions guffawed loudly at the fact that he had a crush on a thirteen year old girl.

     Poor Annie.  She got teased the rest of the time about Iron Thunder.  "Hey Annie, you can tell everyone now that you struck Thunder!"  "Annie, if your name is Pink Hair and his is Iron Thunder, are you going to change your name to Pink Thunder after the wedding?"  This opportunity to tease Annie won't be going away any time soon.  We're having too much fun with it!

Chase speaking with Iron Thunder before the dancing

Swift Warrior, Jumping Buffalo and Iron Thunder

Iron Thunder dancing

Iron Thunder, Jumping Buffalo and Swift Warrior

Jumping Buffalo, me, Chase, Iron Thunder, Annie and Swift Warrior

   

     After visiting Mount Rushmore for the second time we went back to the hotel.  Here comes Chase's favorite part of the trip: the water park in the hotel.  Along with a regular pool and hot tub, there's an actual water park with a little kid section and water slides for the older kids (which were not only very fast, but actually pretty rough- we all came out with a few bumps from them).  Behold the fun!

Annie at the water park

The water slides are at the top of the red and yellow stairs
and come out those black holes on the right

Chase coming down from the pirate ship water slide

     Thursday morning saw us at our first stop that day: Bear Country U.S.A.  It's a wildlife park.  You pay to go in (stay in your car with your windows rolled up and only honk your horn and put on your lights in case of an emergency- you know like if a bear tries to eat you or something) and drive through sections with different wildlife.  Some of the wildlife roam free (elk, reindeer, arctic wolves, the bears of course) and some of them are behind fences (the goats...maybe they try to ram the cars?...the mountain lions, etc).  At the end there's a place to park and there's a walk through zoo area with smaller wildlife, including a section for the baby bears who are taken from their moms after a few months in order to save their lives from other adult bears who will attack them apparently.  Really fun to see the different wildlife.  The elk and reindeer wouldn't stand up for us so we got pictures of their antlers.  It was a hot day so some of the animals were in shady places and didn't want to come out either.  The arctic wolf that came trotting along stopped just as we got next to him to take a picture and started licking himself...thanks Mr. Wolf...I think I'll wait until you finish to get the pic!  One of the backups was right at the gate that marked the beginning of the section with the bears...a grizzly was sitting down in the middle of the road and wouldn't move for the cars.  Then he got up and started pacing back and forth across the road so the cars still couldn't get past; it was funny to think that maybe these animals know just how to mess with us.  The buffaloes were very close to the car and Lyle actually rolled down my window because I was getting a glare from the glass...made me a little nervous.  The baby bears were so cute.  I didn't get real great pics of them because they move around so fast that it was a bit tough to get the shots I wanted.   Fun place to go...don't miss it if you ever go to the Black Hills.

The arctic wolf scratching himself...hey better than licking himself!

Big Horn Sheep

Perfect timing, Balou.  Thanks!

Unafraid of cars, the bears would just walk up to them,
or right in front of or behind them.  It was pretty cool to see.

The closest I've ever been to a bear...and I'm okay with that.

My handsome hubby's whiskers...and a bear.

Hello Buffalo...you're REALLY BIG!

Here's the antelope that was nosing in on the buffaloes food...
brave...or crazy?

Bear Country

My little monkey...uh, I mean bear cub.

A little girl in front of us says, "I feel sorry for him.
He has all this (meaning the beautiful enclosure in which he lives)
but he has no friend!"

Cute baby bears frolicking the day away

     Next on the agenda: 4 Mile Old West Town.  There were a couple of old west towns around there and we were tempted by others.  But our time schedule didn't allow for us to go to a shoot out or a cowboy western show, and this town was open all day.  It was basically the site of an old town that had been abandoned ages ago and they had rebuilt how the buildings used to look back then.  It was an audio tour and you would listen as you went from building to building.  Very interesting some of the things they used to do back then.  The kids got into the act and had fun running in and out of nearly every shop, pretending to be old timey folks.

Taylor, Ralph, Lyle and Annie at our destination

Bwahaha!  Really?  Don't you think that's a bit drastic?

At the Saloon

I know the feeling!

An old west prairie town

The boardwalk

While I'm putting on my best trouble maker expression
Lyle says, "Yeah, you look like a real scary outlaw
in that Hello Kitty shirt, sweetheart!"  Smart Alec!

At the coops, nostalgic moment for mom;
her dad was a chicken farmer.

Wow!  He looks like one mean rascal!

Chase cashing a check for Annie at the bank.

Thank goodness their stagecoach wasn't attacked by Indians!

Schoolmarm Laura trying to teach her unruly pupils!

Ralph 'the brimstone preacher' gives his sermon.
It's time for repentin' folks!

Taylor the dentist?...um...are we sure he's the only one in town?

     On the way back to the hotel, we decided to walk along Keystone's main street.  We bought ice cream and fudge, Annie got a poncho, mom got some moccasins and we enjoyed the picturesque village.

Keystone city

     Most of the evenings we tried to keep free for some relax time...we didn't want our vacation to be so jam packed that we were exhausted when we got back.  But even though we were leaving Friday...there was one more stop we wanted to see...the Reptile Gardens.

     The Reptile Gardens is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's largest reptile zoo.  Including giant tortoises, botanical gardens, the giant crocodile Maniac, Cheyenne the bald eagle, a gallery of tribal art, the Sky Dome, a playground, the Komodo Dragon, bird, gator and snake shows and a village fun area, the reptile gardens was a lot of fun.  We weren't able to see everything but I'd love to go again...you know, the next time I happen to be near Rapid City, South Dakota.

     We went in the Sky Dome where there are uncaged lizards, turtles, macaws and more.  Lyle got a little nervous when he saw the empty stick next to the sign "Boa Constrictor".  He asked one of the employees where the snake was and she laughed and reassured us that no, the boa constrictor wasn't just slithering around the guests, they hadn't brought him out that day.  We went to the gator and snake snows, saw the exhibits of toads, spiders, snakes, turtles, newts, crocodiles and more.  We saw the bald eagle they have caged (and found out that it's illegal to cage a bald eagle unless it's found injured and it cannot be released into the wild again, as was the case with Cheyenne).  We petted the three gigantic tortoises: Orville (age 108 yrs), Tank (51) and Quasimodo (47).  So much to see and do.

Chase and Grace at the Reptile Gardens

Inside the Sky Dome

Beautiful Macaws

Green lizard on a stick

Gigantic sea turtle remains

At the gator show

So many crocs!

Petting Fluffy the baby gator

The trainer got snapped at a lot.  This particular female
snapped at him anytime he came anywhere near her.
He joked that she was the only female he could get to chase him.

That venomous mamba is on the ground with the stick because
it tried to crawl up the stick toward the trainer.  He decided just to
put the whole thing down rather than get bit.  Smart man.

Chase, Annie and I petting the albino Burmese Python.
Have I ever mentioned that I like snakes?
I wish there had been a smaller snake I could have handled on my own-
the non-lethal kind of course.

The Komodo Dragon: the sign next to him said that in 1989 a German
tourist got too near this specimen and that all they ever found of him
was his mangled glasses.  Is that true?  Freaky!

Me and Tank

Quasi and Orville

Cheyenne the bald eagle

Tortuga Falls

     Now back home again, I'm thankful we had a chance to see and do so many fun things and create good memories as a family.  Maybe we'll be able to go back someday and see things we weren't able to see this time.  Hope so.

A Manual for the Bumpy Road

     I have a sister, Alyson, who has been living in Boston.  She got her Master Degree and has been looking for a job.   She hasn't found one yet and decided that in the meantime she would move back home to be closer to family.  So Memorial Day weekend, I flew out to Boston, helped Allie pack and drove back here with her.  At first I thought it was a fairly mundane experience (I still do actually) but as I've been thinking back there are were a few minor lessons I learned from our trip.  So I thought I'd share them with you.  So here goes: the Manual for the Bumpy Road.

     Chapter 1: I flew out on the midnight flight.  After I had packed everything for the trip, I had a little time before Lyle needed to take me to the airport.  So I played with Chase flipping plastic frogs at each other.  Then they dropped me off and I sat until the flight boarded.  When I got on board I looked for my cell to turn it off during the flight and to my horror realized I didn't have it.  A friend had called me just before I started playing with Chase and I had left the phone sitting on the coffee table at home.  This was problematic and embarrassing; problematic since I don't have my sister's phone number memorized and thus when I landed I couldn't call her to meet up with her...and embarrassing because although I almost always have my phone on me and rarely forget it, I had in fact forgotten it when 3 1/2 years earlier I had driven with Allie from here to Boston to drop her off when she moved there.  Now she was going to think I was a real idiot since I had done it both times I had helped her traveling to or from Boston.  After I landed I ended up having to use a pay phone (which are a bit hard to find nowadays) and call my mom and have her call Allie, then I had to call her back again.  It was a real process and my flight had landed an hour and a half before my sister and I finally found each other.
     Principle: Don't make the same mistake more than once.  We're all bound to make mistakes.  But when you make one, much better to learn from it.  Otherwise, you will end up tired, hungry and without a phone in the most confusing terminal in Logan airport while other people worry about whether or not you are okay and you feel super idiotic.

     Chapter 2: Allie had picked me up and I was back at her apartment.  Because I had traveled on a red-eye flight and knew I'd be getting little sleep, I wanted to be comfortable.  So I had gone to the airport in a pair of light sweatpants which were very long in the legs...too long.  When I'm at home I don't mind much, they drag on the floor and get dirty and they have holes at the bottom, but they're really comfortable and I figured that was all that mattered.  Well, I didn't happen to look at the forecast for Boston, which may have been helpful to do, since just as we started to pack up Allie's stuff in the car, it started raining.  We left soon after and went to eat lunch and get gas and then we left.  During all this time I was loading the car and walking on wet streets, I was wearing my long sweatpants with rips at the bottom of the legs, which were soaked with water from being dragged in puddles.  Not so comfortable anymore.  In fact, distinctly uncomfortable and quite annoying really.  I wanted to change my pants but by then my suitcase was packed in the car with other things piled on top of it and I couldn't get to it easily.  So I had to live with my dirty, soaked sweatpants.
     Principle 2: Uncomfortable situations won't kill you.  Though not ideal, situations we get into in life that do not make us feel welcome, happy or comfortable will happen and we are fully capable of surviving through them.  My sweatpants eventually dried and I somehow survived, and now I know not to wear pants that drag on the ground when going somewhere that I don't know the forecast for.  By the way, when we stopped rural New York where we stayed the first night, it was raining there too, so I got wet again (sigh).


     Chapter 3: The next day we got up and drove for hours.  We talked and listened to some funny podcasts, but mostly we drove.  That night we needed to stop in Indiana for the night.  We ended up finding this little motel to stay at and it was a good decision.  The owner was a really nice guy.  He owned extra property around the motel which had a pond and a nice area to walk.  He also had a cute and friendly dog named Jake.  He told us to take Jake for a walk so we walked around the pond while Jake ran around and chased after small animals.  It was so nice for just a little while to relax, feel the cool wind, stretch our legs and enjoy the wonderful hospitality of a nice person and a nice animal frolicking around us.  The room was clean, well taken care of and inexpensive and  we felt very welcome.  Though it didn't last really long, it was an unexpected bright spot in the trip. The owner invited us for coffee the next morning, which we didn't end up taking him up on, but he directed us to a good place to eat before we started driving the next day.  There are more splendid people and places in the world than I realize sometimes.
     Principle 3: There are unexpected good times along the way.  Sometimes I tend to concentrate on the bad things which crop up and take my attention and add to my stress level.  Too often I forget that along with the difficult, there is the good and beautiful that comes along.  What would it be like if I looked for those small things much more often, and stopped focusing on the bad?

     Chapter 4: In Nebraska we had a funny GPS moment.  Allie's GPS was programmed with the voice of a pretty funny Hungarian grandmother who commented on how driving fast on the freeway made her nervous and told us that if we didn't arrive at the right spot it was because we 'didn't listen to her'.  We had a lot of fun with it, and for the most part she did well.  But a couple of hours before we stopped for the night, we got more gas and had programmed 'Grandma' to find us the nearest gas station.  We were following her directions when she told us to turn right, even though it was onto a dirt road, but we soon realized this couldn't possibly be where the gas station was so we started looking around.  Then we saw it in our rear view mirror and realized that she wasn't leading us the right way. We turned around and easily found the right spot which made 'Grandma' comment about how we didn't listen to her.  But it got me thinking.
     Principle 4: Trust your instincts.   Sometimes we're given directions, even from sources we trust.  Sometimes those directions turn out exactly what we need.  But sometimes, they don't always take us to where we really want to go.  Even well meaning people can give us good directions, but our specific lives are meant to be different and we need to be paying attention, look around us and turn the car to go the other way to start heading in the right direction in order to be where we really need to be.  But as long as we stay close to the spirit and trust our natural instincts, we should come out right where we need to be.

     Chapter 5: When I've told people about driving across the country with my sister (twice now) people get excited and say how much fun it must be.  Admittedly the first time we did it, we stopped more and saw a few things and it was a bit more exciting for me.  It's not that I didn't enjoy it this time, but I think people tend to forget the monotony that is driving for hours every day in a stuffed car.  Basically it's getting up in the morning, having breakfast and getting ready then stopping for gas then driving for hours.  Then you stop for lunch and gas, then you and switch drivers, then you drive some more.  Then you stop for dinner and find gas and do a little more driving then you finally stop for some place for the night.  Not such a thrilling journey after all, when you think about it.  But there is something that I have learned about a long road trip (and life in general) and it is this:
     Principle 5: There is beauty and strength in the drudgery of life.  There are so many times that I wanted to stop and not drive more, there are also so many times in life when I don't want to get up and go to work or do something for my calling or run errands or clean the house.  But sometimes things have to be done anyway, whether or not I want to do them.  So I do them (for the most part) and something amazing happens.  There's not big shift to happiness or sometimes even a satisfaction of getting stuff done; sometimes all there is an exhausting end to a day that has felt longer than winter, but over time I can see my strength building up.  I can appreciate how the mundane things in life help distract me from sadness, boredom, anger, frustration, idleness, etc. and that in itself is beautiful.  The daily grind may not be sexy, but it makes me a better person for having done it.  Sitting down at that wheel for a few more hours may make me tired, but it also builds up my resistance, my patience and my gratitude.  Thank heavens for those busy, boring times in life!

Mother's Day

     This year I was asked to speak in sacrament on Mother's Day.  I wanted to share my talk on this post.  Because of the way I like to speak I usually make notes but wing it when the actual time comes so the talk didn't turn out exactly how it was here but most of it was the same.  I hope you all had a good Mother's Day.

     I wasn't planning on being here today.  I asked someone to take my Relief Society lesson and made sure that Carol would be here to play the organ.  And then the bishop asked me to speak.  I told him that I hadn't planned on going this year on Mother's Day since it is such an emotionally precarious day for me.  I asked if I could speak the week after instead.  He reminded me that next week was High Council speaker Sunday and asked if he could come over and talk to me.  When he came to my house we shot the breeze for a few minutes then the bishop told me that Mother's Day was a challenge as a bishop.  I hadn't realized previously how many women have a hard time with Mother's Day, but apparently quite a number of women end up offended or hurt.  He was worried about the women in our ward.  He felt that women in general tend to internalize things and beat up on ourselves.  On Mother's Day that means that if women hear about someone's wonderful mother that they feel it means they're not doing good enough as a mother and are consequently hurt.  So this year he wanted someone to talk on the sanctity of womanhood and he would like that person to be me.  Obviously, I agreed.
     Two things occurred to me after my talk with the bishop.  One thing that didn't occur to me until days later was that in speaking to me about his reasons for wanting me to talk and what he would like me to talk about, the bishop tapped into that womanly trait that I have of wanting to help others and not wanting people to be inconvenienced. When I realized this, my thought was, 'Well played, Bishop.  Well played.'  The other thing is that after the bishop left the first thing I said to my husband was, "Well now I feel guilty for complaining."  Inside I was thinking about how the bishop was just trying to do his calling and that I should have been more accepting of the assignment in the first place, etc...  Then I realized that I was proving the bishop's point right that second.  Here I was beating up on myself and internalizing everything to reflect on me and I just had a chuckle to think that the bishop was totally right.  We as women do beat up on ourselves too much.  Why do we do that?  For myself, I think that I see this superwoman type of person that I want to be and I constantly compare myself to that ideal or to other women around me who I seem to have the traits I seem to glaringly lack.  In these comparisons, I end in coming up short every time.  Sometimes I wonder if we shouldn't look at ourselves through other people's eyes.
     In writing this talk I ran across a metaphor which I really liked.  One of the basic concepts of light is that the light around us or white light is a combination of all the visible wavelengths of colored light.  When a ray of light enters a prism it refracts or bends.  Different wavelengths refract at different angles so by the time the light leaves the prism it is not longer traveling as a single ray.  The white light has dispersed into a series of colors called a visible spectrum.  We see this in nature when sunlight shines through a raindrop to produce a rainbow.  The single ray of white light represents all of us as women.  We are united that aspect- a beam of light traveling together. And then we hit the prism of our Heavenly Father's plans for our individual lives.  The specific wavelength we're traveling on determines the angles at which we are capable of bending and where we will be when we come through on the other side.  When we do come through, we do not all look the same.  We all have different circumstances and therefore different colors to our lives as individuals, but we still all shine with the light of womanhood.  And the diversity between our different personalities and lives is what makes us beautiful just as the different colors of the rainbow complement and enhance its beauty as a whole.
     The Lord has given us common traits as women that we can use to learn and grow.  Sheri Dew described a few of these as: 'heroic faith, a keen sensitivity to the spirit, an abhorrence of evil and complete selflessness'.  I love her.  That makes me feel super strong.  Other traits that I have noticed we have as women are generosity, a willingness to sacrifice, a natural desire to nurture others and a compulsion to create in whatever capacity we have.  I've seen these in my own excellent mother, my sisters, family, friends, women in the ward and other women of influence in my life.
     As for our individual lives, the color that God has chosen for us may not be our favorite color; it may not be the color we wanted to come out looking like.  But it is the color God has chosen for us and He's tailored it to our specific lives.  It is the color through which we can shine the brightest if we use our own unique skills and gifts which He's given us.  Some talents I have tried to cultivate are a sense of humor, a determination to push through hardship and an ability to discern how and why family members feel and do things, which has helped particularly in my efforts to raise other people's children and in my marriage itself.
     Along with talents, God has given us weaknesses and struggles which He has promised are for our experience and which can help to sharpen our color.  Ether 12:27 says: 'And if men come unto me I will show them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble, and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, for if they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.'  I have heard the bishop say more than once that our trials are specifically targeted to our weaknesses.  I have seen this in my own life.
     I have always struggled with my self worth.  And a few years ago after all of our fertility treatments were through and everything had failed I was confused and devestated.  I had prepared for years to be a mother.  I had never wanted a career, I only wanted to be a mom.  And all of a sudden that identity and future were just gone and I didn't know what to do.  There was a big, gaping hole in my life and my heart and there was nothing to fill it.  I heard people say that the purpose of women were to be mothers and I would think, 'Well, I guess I have no purpose then.' It made me feel unworthy and of no value.  I struggled with this for a long time.  I still do sometimes.  Then one day I was reading a talk by Elder Russell M. Nelson called Women- Of Infinite Worth and a few small lines grabbed my attention and helped me change the way I thought the Lord felt about me.  'To help another human being reach one's celestial potential is part of the divine mission of women...In partnership with God her divine mission is to help spirits live and souls be lifted.  This is the measure of her creation.'  I read this and thought, This is something I can do.  I may not be able to bear and rear my own children, but I can love and lift.  I can help and teach and serve and give.  Honestly what could be a more scared purpose than that?  Heavenly Father's own mission according to him in Moses 1:39 is 'to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man'.  Isn't helping others reach their celestial potential the same thing?  If that purpose is so special and important to God, it is certainly good enough for me, regardless of how those specific people come into my life.
     The problem I find the most in remembering how important my purpose is lies in the distractions of everyday life.  As women this work that we have been given to do doesn't happen in huge events.  It occurs in small, daily things that we do.  And because they're so small and so regular we underestimate their importance and our worth.  We don't realize that those small things we do are the very way we accomplish this purpose that Heavenly Father has given us.  The lyrics to one of my favorite songs depicts this very struggle that we as women seem to have.  It's called 'In the Meantime'.

In hear heart she holds the dreams

She's carried since the day she turned thirteen

Of all that she would be when she was grown

Of all that she would do when she was finally on her own

She dreamed she'd fly

She's still waiting for the chance to try

But in the meantime she's a mother and a daughter and a wife

Doing all she can to stay above the daily grind

And she wonders when she'll ever have more meaning in her life

She doesn't know she's being molded and refined

In the meantime

Someday she'll go back to school

When the carpools and the soccer games are through

Cause deep inside she's still the girl

Who's always felt the fire to make a difference in the world

She dreams she'll soar

When she finally has the time to do more

But in the meantime she's a sister and a teacher and a friend

Hours turn into days that turn to years that never end

And she wonders if she'll ever really find herself again

But she's becoming one on whom God can depend

In the meantime

Heaven feels the joy of every victory in her life

And heaven hears her heart before she cries

And somewhere in the middle of the triumphs and the trials

She's becoming sanctified

And in the meantime she's an answer and a blessing and a gift

To every empty aching heart that only she can lift

Still she wonders if she'll ever get to see where heaven is

If she could only see her mansion waiting there

If she could only feel how much her Father cares

She would know she's being perfectly prepared

In the meantime

     I should not doubt my worth or belittle the contributions I make to my Heavenly Father, even though they may be small and even though they may not be the same as other women contribute, because God can to a lot with whatever I can give.  Psalms 42:11: 'Why art thou cast down o my soul?  And why art thou disquieted within me?  Hope thou in God.'  I want to be thankful for the opportunities I've been given to use my gifts and skills to make the lives of others better.

     The last thing I'd like to address is the question we as women ask ourselves so many times- Why?  Why does my purpose or my path in life have to be so difficult?  One of my favorite quotes comes from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.  Years ago he spoke at the MTC and though this talk was directly concerning missionary work, I think the work we do as a woman to lift souls and help them to their divine potential is the same work so it applies beautifully.  He said, "Anyone who does this kind of work will have occasion to ask why is this so hard?...I am convinced that it is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience.  Salvation never was easy...How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never ever easy for Him?  It seems to me that we have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane.  We have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary."

     I'm thankful to be a woman.  I'm thankful for my people in my life who I have had a chance to love and help, for the talents I have had the chance to cultivate and that I have the chance to continue to try to turn my weaknesses to strengths to become the woman my Savior wants me to be.  I know He loves me and each of you women as well.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Chase's Baptism

Chase requested the songs 'The Family is of God' and 'Tell Me the Stories of Jesus' for the songs.  I gave the opening song.  Elder Horrocks and Elder Murphy did the talks and Chase said the closing prayer.

Chase with Elder Murphy and Elder Horrocks

Chase and his mom Melissa

Chase, Melissa and Lyle

Chase, Lyle and I

A New Opportunity

     We have a little boy living with us.  It happened pretty quickly and not in the way I expected.  As we've been finishing up with the process of becoming foster parents we were contacted by about an opportunity.  It came through my brother Paul.

Paul and Melissa

     Last Christmas, Paul brought his girlfriend Melissa to meet the family.  Paul hadn't brought another girl around before so I was excited.  She seemed to be really nice and I hoped to be able to have more contact with her in the future.  Little did I know that a few months later I would get to know her much better.
     After announcing on Facebook that Lyle and I were licensed foster parents, Melissa asked me to contact her.  She has a 9 yr old son named Chase who she wanted to talk to me about.  Melissa has some serious health problems.  Because of these she has not been able to keep a job which has led to financial instability.  Also, her health problems have become bad enough that she had been unable to care for her son anymore.  She had found a couple and had placed him with them a couple of months previously but she was now having problems with them.  They were keeping her from having contact with her son.  They had started not taking her calls and telling her she couldn't come and see Chase.  It had gotten worse lately.  She and Paul came to dinner with Lyle and I and we discussed the possibility of us taking Chase into our home to live with us.  The next weekend we met Chase.

Chase, Lyle and Grandpa
building a super lego tower

     That same weekend we ended having Chase come to live with us.  Things with the couple who had been taking care of Chase had gotten worse and Melissa didn't feel comfortable taking Chase back to them.  So he came to live with us.  The last few weeks have been very busy.  We had to change Taylor's and Annie's rooms so Taylor would be sharing with Chase (he was really disappointed in having to give up the queen bed he'd been on in exchange for bunk beds), we've had to enroll Chase in school, buy school uniforms and other clothes, find someone to take care of Chase when we're both at work, etc.
    We've done pretty well, I think.  Chase calls his mom almost every day and has been able to see her more which has helped with his adjustment.  Lyle and I have had to practice more patience.  We're not used to having kids in the house all the time, especially very active little boys.  And yet, we're glad we've had this opportunity to grow.
     The last few weeks have seen other changes too.  I was released as my calling of primary music leader (which I loved) and called as a ward missionary to help prepare 2 young women in the ward for missions and also called as a relief society instructor.  When the first call was extended the bishop asked about Chase.  Though it was the very day Chase came to live with us, Lyle, who is the ward clerk, had a few minutes to tell the bishop about the situation so he in turn asked me for more information before he extended the new call.  When he gave me a blessing to set me apart as a ward missionary he added a blessing to help me as I now become a 'foster'? parent.  He blessed me that as I become a savior of a kind to others, I would be able to help those who could not help themselves.  This really humbled me.  Being likened to the Savior in any way is very sobering and has made me think of all my Lord has done for me and how much I want to be like Him, including His willingness to give everything to others.
     There's a scripture that's kept coming back to me the last couple of weeks.  Mosiah 4:19 and 21 says: 'For behold, are we not all beggars?  Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even god, for all the substance which we have...And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for you lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.'
     Although this has been a wonderful experience, it has still been very hard as well, and on days I feel like I'm losing my cool I try and think about those words and remember the importance of what I'm doing.  This isn't something I would have imagined doing when I married Lyle, but how much good can I do by being willing to help and serve other people around me who need my help?  I hope Heavenly Father will continue to help me in learning to be a full time substitute mom and that I'll be able to make the lives of Chase and Melissa better for having helped them.  After all, haven't I needed help from others in times past?  Haven't I also been a beggar at one time or another?  Now Heavenly Father has given me a chance to pay it forward.

About Chase:
     Chase is in 3rd grade.  He's very intelligent...he reads far above his grade level (he was reading his Incredible Hulk book upside down the other day with words like 'gamma radiation'...I was pretty impressed) and he knows his multiplication tables very well.  He's also a very active little boy.  He loves sports, especially basketball, and wants to be shooting hoops or outside playing every minute that he possibly can.  He's a funny kid with a lot of wit and he keeps me laughing.  He's also a pretty obedient kid.  He whines some but he doesn't disobey or sass back when asked to do things...though he doesn't jump up every time I ask him to do something either.
    Chase is going to cub scouts and will start karate this week. He goes to church with us and has decided to be baptized.  He's learned how to pray and asks to be the one to say the prayer almost every time.  He enjoys reading with me before bed.  His favorites so far: Dr. Seuss and our Book of Mormon reader.  Chase likes to sing and you can hear him singing random songs at different times of the day.  I started teaching him piano.
     He's very excited to spend time with Annie and Taylor.  He has a hard time entertaining himself and loves to be around other people.  I have to confess that Lyle and I enjoy a break when the kids are here playing with him.  Chase has also already made friends with kids on our street and in our ward.  He's a fun kid to be around.

Best Laid Plans

     Wow, this year is going by fast, isn't it?  Spring is back and I'm looking forward to seeing the flowering trees on my street in full bloom, to see more green leaves and flowers coming out and to feel it warm just a little more for those perfect spring days, which nostalgically always seem to include a slight breeze and a few clouds in the sky.  And of course I'd love a few of those rainy days mixed in...I've always loved rain.  Boy, if I could just pick the perfect weather every day, I'd be super happy.
     Ain't that the way it goes, though?  It seems I'm always imaging a perfect scenario whether it's the time of year, the day of the week or the plan for my life.  I seem to map out the exact way that I want things to go and of course life always goes right along with my desires...ha ha, wouldn't that be nice?  Life planned and designed by Laura.  Sounds like the way to go!  What's that saying?  'Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans'?  Yeah, that about sums it up right.
     I used to imagine how my life would be: by my ripe old age I'd be done having all my kids, I'd be a stay at home mom and my husband would make enough money that we never had to worry about finances (we'd have a perfect marriage of course).  Did I mention I would remain skinny and never gain weight?  Also my kids would be the best behaved kids in the world.  And without trying I would be Mom #1 and never be impatient or grumpy.  I'm laughing right now thinking of my naive little plan for my life.  The life I truly have is nowhere near what I pictured and worked towards.  How is it that we can have such grand marvelous imaginings and then be upset when...Surprise!...life refuses to follow our structured fantasy?
          "The mortal whose life goes exactly as scripted is most likely nonexistent...In other words, life...takes its own unexpected path, depending on the course God has decreed for it and the endless, seemingly random possibilities that may alter or influence it in this world.  Knowing this as we do, it is a wonder that we spend so much effort and emotion trying to be in total control of outcomes.  We still create unrealistic expectations and mental pictures of how things are supposed to be that cause us unnecessary pain and disillusionment when they are not realized." (Brent and Wendy Top, Finding God in the Garden, pgs 107-108)
     I've felt discouragement so many times with my unrealized desires and plans.  I feel like I work hard for good things to happen and many times the roller coaster that is life takes an unexpected drop or a hard right when I just want to go straight toward my goal.  What was the point in all that work if I can't go to where I want to be?  Why bother sacrificing things I want now for greater, future desires when I then have to watch as those desires seem  to be ultimately unfulfilled?  In my pathetic attempt to find patience with my situation, I find myself sometimes crying out in anger and frustration, "Serenity Now!", like George Costanza in Seinfeld.
     In my Bible I have a scripture highlighted.  Isaiah 55:8 reads: 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.'  Next to it I have written in pen the words: He is in control.
     Why should that be such a scary thought?  He's the one who knows the real plan for my journey but I don't seem to want to follow his instructions that will lead me through the maze of life safely and out to the other side.  I want to design my own way through it, and yet have all the things I desire in addition to becoming everything I want to be all at the same time.  Give me my cake and let me eat it too!
     I was thinking the other night, once again (sigh) about my lack of children and the thought occurred to me that maybe I truly don't need to be a mother to become the kind of woman Heavenly Father wants me to be.  Maybe all the work I've gone through toward this seemingly unattainable goal is really all about becoming the kind of person who God can depend on.  Maybe I need to do all this work and sacrifice in order for me to know that I'm willing to do the things the Lord asks of me even when they're difficult and painful and in the end, the result I worked and planned for is not granted.  At least not in the time or way I thought...maybe not even then.
     Do I trust that Heavenly Father really is in control?  That He sees what I can't and knows what I really need?
     "Our lives may turn out to be a completely different plant from what the label promised.  And yet, when we plant and sow the best we can and learn to let the harvest be the Lord's, we will be richly satisfied and lack for nothing of worth.  It may not come out the way we pictured it, but it will be lovingly fitted to us.  Then, in the end...the weeds and weaknesses of this mortal world will be forgotten.  Our Savior will prepare us for perfection and plant us in the eternal garden of His Father.  There we will find that we are living in a landscape beyond our sweetest dreams." (pg 110)

Thou who knowest all our weakness,

Leave us not to sow alone!

Bid thine angels guard the furrows

Where the precious grain is sown,

Till the fields are crowned with glory,

Filled with mellow, ripened ears,

Filled with fruit of life eternal

From the seed we sowed in tears.
(We Are Sowing, Hymns, no. 216)