The Valley

     The air is clear here in the valley.  Blue skies and snow capped mountains.  It's really beautiful.  Kind of a switch.  The last few weeks have been yucky...just like it usually gets this time of year.  Smog, inversion, haziness.  When you add in overcast days it seems as though you don't see the sun for far too long.  It's hard to appreciate the beauty outside when all around it's yucky, depressing and dark.  It leaves me continually praying for a big storm to come wipe out the pollutants and bring back the shining sun and the ability to see again and breathe fresh air.

   
     My mom gave me the book 'For Times of Trouble, Spiritual Solace From the Psalms' by Jeffrey R. Holland for Christmas.  I was glancing through it (haven't actually started reading it yet) and realized that he devoted a bigger section of it to probably the most famous of all the passages in that book of scriptures: Psalm 23.  I only read through a couple of pages of it but was moved by the words of inspiration and optimism.  There's a section that talks about a particular phrase that I currently identify with: 'Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me'.  I know I'm not the only one who struggles and feels like they're walking through a shadowed valley alone.  We all at some time identify with the feeling of darkness and abandonment, trudging through a dangerous landscape for which we don't have a map and to which we cannot see the end.
     Elder Holland writes: 'It may be useful to note that it is a "valley" we walk through in dark times.  A "valley" is, in terms of a very contemporary illness, a "depression," a low point or down spot in the terrain.  No triumphant stand "high on the mountain top" here.  No, we are down and maybe nearly out.  And even to look up often reveals only that there is such a very long way to go.' (pg 215-216)
     Know that feeling.  Sometimes it feels like the valley I'm walking through is dirty and barren or muddy and flooded and that I'm walking forever yet don't get very far at all.  Sometimes the valley feels like a dry desert or a canyon floor with cliffs on either side obstructing my view and making it impossible to get higher.  Whatever the image, I feel at the bottom of a deep ravine without the knowledge or energy or sometimes even the desire to do much more than put one foot in front of the other.
     And yet Elder Holland follows this with a humbling thought: 'That leads us to remember that there is another aspect of a "valley" that must not be forgotten.  Almost by definition valleys are more verdant, more bountiful, more luxurious and peaceful than much that surrounds them on more rocky and rugged slopes nearby...and entering into a valley also means that we don't have to climb for a while, that things have eased up a bit, that we can rest and renew, take a deep breath and summon strength before climbing again.' (pg. 216)
     Whoa!  Hold the phone!  I have never associated depression and struggling in that way.  I know that when things get too hard there comes a point when I cannot physically, emotionally or spiritually do more and I truly shut down.  And now I find out that this can actually be a good thing?  Why didn't I know this before?  Mostly what I feel at these times is that I'm failing because I honestly can't handle things anymore.  I never realized that the simple act of stopping can also mean REST.  It feels a bit contradictory to me to rest at a time of great stress and trial, but could it actually be possible?  Is it really okay for me to sit back and take care of myself and not feel selfish or guilty or even mildly annoyed if things don't get done?  I think it will take a great deal of practice, but a new way to look at this valley I'm traveling through wouldn't go amiss.
     I really could use a rest.  Most of the way through the valley I feel restless, sad, anxious and just plain angry.
          I saw this the other day on Pinterest and instantly pinned it to my LDS Humor board.

   
     Boy, oh boy that hit the bulls-eye!  I get so frustrated.  There are times in my life, like now, that I know that Heavenly Father is out there somewhere, but I seemed to have temporarily fallen into a bad reception area where I can't see His help, hear His answers or even feel His presence.  And yet, I know somehow He's still there.  And it really makes me mad!  Without feeling Him there, I end up thinking that some situation like the above comic is happening and Heavenly Father is dragging me for a bit for some unknown but frustrating reason, or even that He's sitting down on the job, kicking His feet up and leaning back with a bland smile and a look on His face that clearly says, 'Hmmm...I wonder what Laura will do with this new challenge.'  Of course I respond so well to that kind of heretical distortion of reality with thoughts that go something like: 'What's He doing?  Hello, up there!  I'm metaphorically dying down here!  Care to throw me a freaking life preserver?'  Funny thing...I get so angry that He's not responding in the way or time I think He should that I seem to overlook one teensy weensy oh-so-unimportant staring-me-in-the-face observation: HE IS STILL HERE.
     Seems so obvious.  PLEASE INSERT FAITH HERE.  Isn't this the time I should be trusting Him since I know He hasn't left me, even if it feels like He has?
     I'm reminded of a passage from the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.  Screwtape is an experienced devil giving advice to his apprentice nephew and says about us as humans the following: 'As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time.  This means that while their spirit can be directed to an eternal object, their bodies, passions, and imaginations are in continual change, for to be in time means to change.  Their nearest approach to constancy, therefore, is undulation- the repeated return to a level from which they repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks...Now, it may surprise you to learn that in [Lord's] efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, He relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favorites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else...
     '[He] wants a world full of beings united to Him but still distinct...Merely to override a human will would be for Him useless...The creatures are to be one with Him, but yet themselves...He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning.  He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation.  But He never allows this state of affairs to last long.  Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives.  He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs- to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish.  It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be...He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles.' (pg 37-40)

    This journey through the valley isn't a lone runner kind of thing.  It's a team effort.  Even if I can't always see or hear Him, He's still there.  He's still on my side, walking beside me...and I'm not even the smartest person on this team of ours, nor the best informed about the route.  Maybe I should be grateful that someone who does know the terrain well and has things in hand is still there and hasn't abandoned me, even if I can't feel or hear Him.  After all, I am seemingly throwing tantrums over the fact that after carrying me on His back for a while, He finally put me down to do a little walking on my own.
     I have tried to teach the kids a lesson I've learned from life that I firmly believe, yet find hard to remember in the tough times.  It is simply that this life is temporary, and so everything in it is temporary also.  This means that good times don't last forever...but it also means that bad times don't either.  They FEEL like they're lasting forever when you're in them, but in truth you do walk through them, and do come out on the other side, wherever that may be.  In other words, there is an end to this valley.  I think I need to put that on a post it on the mirror or something...heaven knows I need to be think of it much more often than I do.
     Elder Holland says: 'We are forced in our mortality to acknowledge how much darkness there truly is in the world and how much of it we have to confront, sometimes almost daily.  But ringing from this greatest of all reassuring psalms is the promise that these telestial tribulations are not ultimately final nor permanently fatal.  Even though earthly life does end in death, we walk through that shadow and any of the evils (or merely natural realities) that led to it, emerging safely on the other side of the experience.  Why?  Because God is with us- in life, in death, and on through to eternal life...He is with us in sunshine and He is with us in shadow.  He overcomes evil because He is the personification of goodness.  He is the Resurrection and the Life.  No evil can offset the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and no death can triumph over the victory that is His.  The sun/Son always rises.  Wherever we walk and whatever we face, we have nothing to fear- ever.' (pg. 216-217)
     Time to lift my eyes up and take another step through the valley...darkness...fire...whatever.  Because a million miles starts with just a step or two.

Happy Holidays

   Another Christmas come and gone.  The year has gone by fast.  Here's some pics to show things in our family this holiday season.

Mom and Me at the Josh Groban  concert!

The week before Thanksgiving, Lyle and Taylor built a railing for the deck.

Auntie Laura babysitting Harper

making caramels

Kurt and me in our ugly Christmas sweaters
I won 1st prize in the contest at work!

Melissa and Paul...sitting in a tree...K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Harper in her new Christmas present

Annie with blue hair, Allie with curly

Grandpa Bowers and Harper

Hope your holidays are great!

Let's Go To The Movies: Christmas Edition

    So enough of that sad stuff.  Let's move on to the fun and joy of the holidays.  I was hoping to post last week but you know how this time or year is...was too busy.   So I thought today I'd share some of my favorite holiday movies.

     1. Holiday Inn- Bing Crosby, Fred Astaire, Marjorie Reynolds (1942).  A black and white classic from the golden age of Hollywood.  This movie preceded 'White Christmas' and was actually the first movie to showcase that newly written, now famous, Christmas song.  The movie is about a man named Jim who gives up show business to live on a farm and gets the idea to have it be a hotel, only opened on the holidays as a retreat.  He hires a young actress Linda and his long time friend Ted (who stole his fiancee at the beginning of the movie) to help him achieve his dream.  He and Linda fall in love but Ted has his eyes on Linda too as his new dance partner (he's still performing in show business).  A cute show.  Check out Fred Astaire's dance with fireworks at the Independence Day holiday bash!  And when Bing starts in his singing of 'White Christmas' in the crooning voice, watch out; your heart will melt.
     2. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer- (1964).  Who can watch this movie without feeling sentimental?  It reminds me of childhood Christmases.  We are all familiar with the story of Rudolph: born with a big, bright, shining, red nose to the embarrassment of his father, Donner, who happens to be one of Santa's reindeer who pull his sleigh on Christmas Eve.  He's made fun of for his glowing appendage and wanders off.  Along the way he meets Yukon Cornelius who is searching for gold and who battles the Abominable Snowman, meets Charlie-in-the-Box, the spotted elephant, the train with square wheels on it's caboose and other toys on the Island of Misfit Toys and of course meets Hermey, one of Santa's Elves who doesn't want to make toys...he wants to be a dentist!  Thankfully he makes it back to the North Pole for Christmas Eve and his legendary first flight as the head of Santa's sleigh in order to get through the thick for and save Christmas fog all the boys and girls of the world.  I'll never forget this fun children's classic.

     3. The Christmas Story- Peter Billingsley, Melinda Dillon and Darrin McGavin (1983).  Ah, Ralphie...what joy and laughter you've brought so many people over the years.  This look at Christmas 50 years go is such an embodiment of childhood and Christmas through the eyes of a child.  Ralphie wants a Red Rider air rifle for Christmas.  Everyone keeps telling him he'll shoot his eye out.  Will Santa bring him what he really wants?  Watching Ralphie's mom bundle his brother Randy up for the cold weather is a hoot and a half.  And who can forget 'Fragile'...the leg lamp?  Watching Ralphie get bullied, have to sit on Santa's lap to ask for the Red Rider air rifle, seeing him in his pink bunny suit from Aunt Clara, watching the family go to a Chinese restaurant for Christmas dinner because the next door neighbors dogs got into the house and ate the turkey, and many more funny episodes help me remember what being a child was like and how infecting the excitement of Christmas is.
     4. A Claymation Christmas Celebration- (1987 TV special).  This is the one most of you won't know.  My mom recorded this on our VCR when I was young and we watched it almost every year afterwards.  It features two clay dinosaurs, Rex and Herb, who introduce various Christmas songs and tell where they come from and have claymation visuals for each song, one of which features the California Raisins (what a throwback!) singing 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'.  I don't even know if you can buy this one anymore but it was so much fun to watch Rex and Herb as they try to find out where the Wassailing Carol came from and see walruses doing ice skating, watching the Three Wise men jam with their Camels and laughing at that idiotic bell who can't seem to get his one note right.  If you ever get a chance, see this one.
     5. How the Grinch Stole Christmas- (1966).  The Grinch is the ultimate Christmas bad guy turned good.  I'm sure none of you have missed this one.  We've read the Dr. Seuss book, sung the Mr. Grinch song, and the Grinch has sunk into our culture.  an icon if you will.  I saw a picture on Pinterest of someone decorating their home for Christmas by putting one strand of Christmas lights up and having a Grinch on the front yard pulling them off...full credit for decorating with very little effort.  I thought it was a great idea!  I heard a coworker just yesterday telling us that her kids were getting out of hand and she threatened to call the Grinch to come and take away their Christmas which led to a bigger response than threatening to tell Santa they've been bad so they wouldn't get anything.  Her kids were terrified that the Grinch would ruin Christmas!  Thank goodness that his heart grows 3 sizes and he finds out the Christmas is a good thing.  All I have to say about the Grinch that I haven't said already is this: poor Max!  The Grinch's dog who gets antlers tied to his head.  A bit cruel.

     6. Elf- Will Ferrell, James Caan (2003).  Buddy was accidentally taken from the orphanage by Santa one Christmas when he crawled inside his bag without Santa's knowledge.  Now he's an elf (the only human one) and helps Santa every year but he when he finds out that his biological father is on the 'naughty' list, he decides to go find him and goes on a journey to New York City where he meets his grouchy father, his stepmother and stepbrother who receive him with love.  But Buddy, living in the North Pole all his life is a bit...strange...and doesn't quite fit in, though he tries really hard.  He meets Jovie, a girl who he works with at the department store who despite his strangeness is drawn to him and he ends up saving Christmas by helping Santa when he sleigh is broken and by his influence on others who start singing 'Santa Clause Is Coming to Town' to help spread the Christmas spirit and help Santa's sleigh to fly again.  And Buddy does learn to have a relationship with his father who comes to accept him.  Big fun.
     7. Miracle on 34th Street- (1947, 1994).  Two different version which I both like.  The original has Natalie Wood as young Susan Walker who doesn't believe in Santa because her practical mother Doris who helps run a department store doesn't think helping her daughter believe in Santa is good for her, has her mind changed after meeting the new Santa who is hired for her mom's department store and who calls himself Kris Kringle.  Apparently he really thinks he's the real Santa Clause.  The journey through this story which ends in having the courts declare him the true Santa Clause and Doris truly believing again is fun.  How do you prove there's a Santa Clause?  And does it really matter if people believe?  Watch this classic again and answer those questions for yourself.
     8. It's a Wonderful Life- James Stuart, Donna Reed (1946).  What an impact this show makes.  Arguably Frank Capra's best film, this movie brings up a lot of emotions and good questions.  Does one life really matter?  How would things be if you never existed?  George Bailey is on the verge of suicide one Christmas Eve when his guardian angel, Clarence, stops him.  George has given up on his dreams and believes that everyone's life would be better off without him in it.  So Clarence gives him a chance to find out.  Now George goes back to Bedford Falls and sees what life would have been like if he had never existed and he finds that it is a dismal town and that many bad things have happened because he was not there to prevent them from happening.  It's such an eye opening thought that very small things we think insignificant in our lives make a huge impact overall in the lives of others.  Jimmy Stuart, as always, is simply amazing as a reformed George Bailey who finds hope and wants his life back again.

     9. The Muppet Christmas Carol- Michael Cain, Kermit, Piggy, Fozzy, Gonzo and more (1992).  Charles Dickens immortal tale of Ebenezer Scrooge and the ghosts of Christmas is brought to life by those lovable muppets.  I love the songs in this movie.  Michael Caine does a good Scrooge and Kermit is always so great, this time playing Bob Cratchit, and Gonzo plays Charles Dickens himself, our narrator.  Don't forget Rizzo as Gonzo's sidekick and the comedic humor.  Scrooge is a nasty, mean, ungenerous man who has his eyes opened one Christmas Eve as his old partners Jacob and Robert Marley come back to haunt him and tell him that without changing his heart, he too will wear chains for all eternity.  Then 3 more ghosts come to help him take a look at his life in the past, present and future and Scrooge's heart is changed and he becomes the embodiment of Christmas for the rest of his life.  This fun loving version is a must see every Christmas for me.
     10. A Garfield Christmas Special- (1987).  Another must see every year.  Mom recorded this one off of TV when we were younger too.  Garfield and Odie are shuttled to Jon's grandmother's house for Christmas and we meet the wacky family Jon comes from.  Of course there are a lot of food jokes as this is a Garfield show, but also Odie makes Garfield a surprise Christmas gift, Garfield finds some old love letters from Grandpa (who passed away) to Grandma, we see the tree decorated, the enormous amounts of food and get to hear the family's own Christmas tradition, reading the story 'Binky: the Clown who Saved Christmas' along with experiencing both family fun and family dysfunction.  My siblings and I can quote most of this movie by heart.

     11. The Polar Express- Tom Hanks (2004).  This film is based off a children's book of the same name.  A boy who is growing up is on the verge of not believing when one Christmas Eve night he awakens to the sounds of a train.  Going outside he finds that it's the 'Polar Express' which is on it's way to the North Pole.  On his way the boy meets other children, the conductor and more characters who help him start believing and then they reach the North Pole where he gets to meet Santa himself and see his reindeer and sleigh and finds out that believing in Christmas is important.  His hearing a jingle bell represents his ability to believe.  A cute movie with music and one I'd like to see again
     12. The Nativity Story- Keisha Castle-Hughes, Oscar Isaac (2006).  So often we forget all about the real reason for Christmas, so the most important film on this list depicts the story of why we have Christmas at all: the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ.  This movie goes through the whole story, from Mary being chosen and visited by an angel with the announcement that she is to be the mother of the Son of God to Joseph marrying her and their journey to Bethlehem to participate in the census and to be taxed.  The shepherds, angel, King Herod and the wise men all take part in this story.  I found that my personal favorite part of this story was Joseph.  I thought his acceptance of an immeasurably hard and unexpected task was very moving and I loved how hard he tried to love and protect Mary.  Watch something this Christmas that's about why we have such a wonderful time of year to celebrate.  Don't forget the Savior this Christmas.