My mom gave me the book 'For Times of Trouble, Spiritual Solace From the Psalms' by Jeffrey R. Holland for Christmas. I was glancing through it (haven't actually started reading it yet) and realized that he devoted a bigger section of it to probably the most famous of all the passages in that book of scriptures: Psalm 23. I only read through a couple of pages of it but was moved by the words of inspiration and optimism. There's a section that talks about a particular phrase that I currently identify with: 'Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me'. I know I'm not the only one who struggles and feels like they're walking through a shadowed valley alone. We all at some time identify with the feeling of darkness and abandonment, trudging through a dangerous landscape for which we don't have a map and to which we cannot see the end.
Elder Holland writes: 'It may be useful to note that it is a "valley" we walk through in dark times. A "valley" is, in terms of a very contemporary illness, a "depression," a low point or down spot in the terrain. No triumphant stand "high on the mountain top" here. No, we are down and maybe nearly out. And even to look up often reveals only that there is such a very long way to go.' (pg 215-216)
Know that feeling. Sometimes it feels like the valley I'm walking through is dirty and barren or muddy and flooded and that I'm walking forever yet don't get very far at all. Sometimes the valley feels like a dry desert or a canyon floor with cliffs on either side obstructing my view and making it impossible to get higher. Whatever the image, I feel at the bottom of a deep ravine without the knowledge or energy or sometimes even the desire to do much more than put one foot in front of the other.
And yet Elder Holland follows this with a humbling thought: 'That leads us to remember that there is another aspect of a "valley" that must not be forgotten. Almost by definition valleys are more verdant, more bountiful, more luxurious and peaceful than much that surrounds them on more rocky and rugged slopes nearby...and entering into a valley also means that we don't have to climb for a while, that things have eased up a bit, that we can rest and renew, take a deep breath and summon strength before climbing again.' (pg. 216)
Whoa! Hold the phone! I have never associated depression and struggling in that way. I know that when things get too hard there comes a point when I cannot physically, emotionally or spiritually do more and I truly shut down. And now I find out that this can actually be a good thing? Why didn't I know this before? Mostly what I feel at these times is that I'm failing because I honestly can't handle things anymore. I never realized that the simple act of stopping can also mean REST. It feels a bit contradictory to me to rest at a time of great stress and trial, but could it actually be possible? Is it really okay for me to sit back and take care of myself and not feel selfish or guilty or even mildly annoyed if things don't get done? I think it will take a great deal of practice, but a new way to look at this valley I'm traveling through wouldn't go amiss.
I really could use a rest. Most of the way through the valley I feel restless, sad, anxious and just plain angry.
I saw this the other day on Pinterest and instantly pinned it to my LDS Humor board.
Boy, oh boy that hit the bulls-eye! I get so frustrated. There are times in my life, like now, that I know that Heavenly Father is out there somewhere, but I seemed to have temporarily fallen into a bad reception area where I can't see His help, hear His answers or even feel His presence. And yet, I know somehow He's still there. And it really makes me mad! Without feeling Him there, I end up thinking that some situation like the above comic is happening and Heavenly Father is dragging me for a bit for some unknown but frustrating reason, or even that He's sitting down on the job, kicking His feet up and leaning back with a bland smile and a look on His face that clearly says, 'Hmmm...I wonder what Laura will do with this new challenge.' Of course I respond so well to that kind of heretical distortion of reality with thoughts that go something like: 'What's He doing? Hello, up there! I'm metaphorically dying down here! Care to throw me a freaking life preserver?' Funny thing...I get so angry that He's not responding in the way or time I think He should that I seem to overlook one teensy weensy oh-so-unimportant staring-me-in-the-face observation: HE IS STILL HERE.
Seems so obvious. PLEASE INSERT FAITH HERE. Isn't this the time I should be trusting Him since I know He hasn't left me, even if it feels like He has?
I'm reminded of a passage from the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. Screwtape is an experienced devil giving advice to his apprentice nephew and says about us as humans the following: 'As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time. This means that while their spirit can be directed to an eternal object, their bodies, passions, and imaginations are in continual change, for to be in time means to change. Their nearest approach to constancy, therefore, is undulation- the repeated return to a level from which they repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks...Now, it may surprise you to learn that in [Lord's] efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, He relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favorites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else...
'[He] wants a world full of beings united to Him but still distinct...Merely to override a human will would be for Him useless...The creatures are to be one with Him, but yet themselves...He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs- to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be...He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles.' (pg 37-40)
This journey through the valley isn't a lone runner kind of thing. It's a team effort. Even if I can't always see or hear Him, He's still there. He's still on my side, walking beside me...and I'm not even the smartest person on this team of ours, nor the best informed about the route. Maybe I should be grateful that someone who does know the terrain well and has things in hand is still there and hasn't abandoned me, even if I can't feel or hear Him. After all, I am seemingly throwing tantrums over the fact that after carrying me on His back for a while, He finally put me down to do a little walking on my own.
I have tried to teach the kids a lesson I've learned from life that I firmly believe, yet find hard to remember in the tough times. It is simply that this life is temporary, and so everything in it is temporary also. This means that good times don't last forever...but it also means that bad times don't either. They FEEL like they're lasting forever when you're in them, but in truth you do walk through them, and do come out on the other side, wherever that may be. In other words, there is an end to this valley. I think I need to put that on a post it on the mirror or something...heaven knows I need to be think of it much more often than I do.
Elder Holland says: 'We are forced in our mortality to acknowledge how much darkness there truly is in the world and how much of it we have to confront, sometimes almost daily. But ringing from this greatest of all reassuring psalms is the promise that these telestial tribulations are not ultimately final nor permanently fatal. Even though earthly life does end in death, we walk through that shadow and any of the evils (or merely natural realities) that led to it, emerging safely on the other side of the experience. Why? Because God is with us- in life, in death, and on through to eternal life...He is with us in sunshine and He is with us in shadow. He overcomes evil because He is the personification of goodness. He is the Resurrection and the Life. No evil can offset the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and no death can triumph over the victory that is His. The sun/Son always rises. Wherever we walk and whatever we face, we have nothing to fear- ever.' (pg. 216-217)
Time to lift my eyes up and take another step through the valley...darkness...fire...whatever. Because a million miles starts with just a step or two.
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