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Tuesday, June 10, 2014

A Manual for the Bumpy Road

     I have a sister, Alyson, who has been living in Boston.  She got her Master Degree and has been looking for a job.   She hasn't found one yet and decided that in the meantime she would move back home to be closer to family.  So Memorial Day weekend, I flew out to Boston, helped Allie pack and drove back here with her.  At first I thought it was a fairly mundane experience (I still do actually) but as I've been thinking back there are were a few minor lessons I learned from our trip.  So I thought I'd share them with you.  So here goes: the Manual for the Bumpy Road.

     Chapter 1: I flew out on the midnight flight.  After I had packed everything for the trip, I had a little time before Lyle needed to take me to the airport.  So I played with Chase flipping plastic frogs at each other.  Then they dropped me off and I sat until the flight boarded.  When I got on board I looked for my cell to turn it off during the flight and to my horror realized I didn't have it.  A friend had called me just before I started playing with Chase and I had left the phone sitting on the coffee table at home.  This was problematic and embarrassing; problematic since I don't have my sister's phone number memorized and thus when I landed I couldn't call her to meet up with her...and embarrassing because although I almost always have my phone on me and rarely forget it, I had in fact forgotten it when 3 1/2 years earlier I had driven with Allie from here to Boston to drop her off when she moved there.  Now she was going to think I was a real idiot since I had done it both times I had helped her traveling to or from Boston.  After I landed I ended up having to use a pay phone (which are a bit hard to find nowadays) and call my mom and have her call Allie, then I had to call her back again.  It was a real process and my flight had landed an hour and a half before my sister and I finally found each other.
     Principle: Don't make the same mistake more than once.  We're all bound to make mistakes.  But when you make one, much better to learn from it.  Otherwise, you will end up tired, hungry and without a phone in the most confusing terminal in Logan airport while other people worry about whether or not you are okay and you feel super idiotic.

     Chapter 2: Allie had picked me up and I was back at her apartment.  Because I had traveled on a red-eye flight and knew I'd be getting little sleep, I wanted to be comfortable.  So I had gone to the airport in a pair of light sweatpants which were very long in the legs...too long.  When I'm at home I don't mind much, they drag on the floor and get dirty and they have holes at the bottom, but they're really comfortable and I figured that was all that mattered.  Well, I didn't happen to look at the forecast for Boston, which may have been helpful to do, since just as we started to pack up Allie's stuff in the car, it started raining.  We left soon after and went to eat lunch and get gas and then we left.  During all this time I was loading the car and walking on wet streets, I was wearing my long sweatpants with rips at the bottom of the legs, which were soaked with water from being dragged in puddles.  Not so comfortable anymore.  In fact, distinctly uncomfortable and quite annoying really.  I wanted to change my pants but by then my suitcase was packed in the car with other things piled on top of it and I couldn't get to it easily.  So I had to live with my dirty, soaked sweatpants.
     Principle 2: Uncomfortable situations won't kill you.  Though not ideal, situations we get into in life that do not make us feel welcome, happy or comfortable will happen and we are fully capable of surviving through them.  My sweatpants eventually dried and I somehow survived, and now I know not to wear pants that drag on the ground when going somewhere that I don't know the forecast for.  By the way, when we stopped rural New York where we stayed the first night, it was raining there too, so I got wet again (sigh).


     Chapter 3: The next day we got up and drove for hours.  We talked and listened to some funny podcasts, but mostly we drove.  That night we needed to stop in Indiana for the night.  We ended up finding this little motel to stay at and it was a good decision.  The owner was a really nice guy.  He owned extra property around the motel which had a pond and a nice area to walk.  He also had a cute and friendly dog named Jake.  He told us to take Jake for a walk so we walked around the pond while Jake ran around and chased after small animals.  It was so nice for just a little while to relax, feel the cool wind, stretch our legs and enjoy the wonderful hospitality of a nice person and a nice animal frolicking around us.  The room was clean, well taken care of and inexpensive and  we felt very welcome.  Though it didn't last really long, it was an unexpected bright spot in the trip. The owner invited us for coffee the next morning, which we didn't end up taking him up on, but he directed us to a good place to eat before we started driving the next day.  There are more splendid people and places in the world than I realize sometimes.
     Principle 3: There are unexpected good times along the way.  Sometimes I tend to concentrate on the bad things which crop up and take my attention and add to my stress level.  Too often I forget that along with the difficult, there is the good and beautiful that comes along.  What would it be like if I looked for those small things much more often, and stopped focusing on the bad?

     Chapter 4: In Nebraska we had a funny GPS moment.  Allie's GPS was programmed with the voice of a pretty funny Hungarian grandmother who commented on how driving fast on the freeway made her nervous and told us that if we didn't arrive at the right spot it was because we 'didn't listen to her'.  We had a lot of fun with it, and for the most part she did well.  But a couple of hours before we stopped for the night, we got more gas and had programmed 'Grandma' to find us the nearest gas station.  We were following her directions when she told us to turn right, even though it was onto a dirt road, but we soon realized this couldn't possibly be where the gas station was so we started looking around.  Then we saw it in our rear view mirror and realized that she wasn't leading us the right way. We turned around and easily found the right spot which made 'Grandma' comment about how we didn't listen to her.  But it got me thinking.
     Principle 4: Trust your instincts.   Sometimes we're given directions, even from sources we trust.  Sometimes those directions turn out exactly what we need.  But sometimes, they don't always take us to where we really want to go.  Even well meaning people can give us good directions, but our specific lives are meant to be different and we need to be paying attention, look around us and turn the car to go the other way to start heading in the right direction in order to be where we really need to be.  But as long as we stay close to the spirit and trust our natural instincts, we should come out right where we need to be.

     Chapter 5: When I've told people about driving across the country with my sister (twice now) people get excited and say how much fun it must be.  Admittedly the first time we did it, we stopped more and saw a few things and it was a bit more exciting for me.  It's not that I didn't enjoy it this time, but I think people tend to forget the monotony that is driving for hours every day in a stuffed car.  Basically it's getting up in the morning, having breakfast and getting ready then stopping for gas then driving for hours.  Then you stop for lunch and gas, then you and switch drivers, then you drive some more.  Then you stop for dinner and find gas and do a little more driving then you finally stop for some place for the night.  Not such a thrilling journey after all, when you think about it.  But there is something that I have learned about a long road trip (and life in general) and it is this:
     Principle 5: There is beauty and strength in the drudgery of life.  There are so many times that I wanted to stop and not drive more, there are also so many times in life when I don't want to get up and go to work or do something for my calling or run errands or clean the house.  But sometimes things have to be done anyway, whether or not I want to do them.  So I do them (for the most part) and something amazing happens.  There's not big shift to happiness or sometimes even a satisfaction of getting stuff done; sometimes all there is an exhausting end to a day that has felt longer than winter, but over time I can see my strength building up.  I can appreciate how the mundane things in life help distract me from sadness, boredom, anger, frustration, idleness, etc. and that in itself is beautiful.  The daily grind may not be sexy, but it makes me a better person for having done it.  Sitting down at that wheel for a few more hours may make me tired, but it also builds up my resistance, my patience and my gratitude.  Thank heavens for those busy, boring times in life!

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