Mrs. Know-It-All

     As a young child one of my favorite playmates was my cousin, Angie.  Our two families frequently saw each other and so we had many fun adventures as youngsters together.  We had a mild obsession with 'Jem and the Holograms' (a cartoon that depicted a band of girls...which had real songs, short though they were), played in her family's playhouse and on their trampoline and had sleepovers...one particular night we spent hours smelling her scratch 'n sniff book which had a page with pizza that smelled really gross...so we'd smell the gross page and pretend to throw up in the toilet and then repeat the process over and over again just for fun.  I know what you're thinking...and you're right.  Kids are weird.
     Anyway, inexplicably some days we would have fights (I know, weird huh?) and the result seemed to be something that I'm ashamed of today, although it's good for stories.  Back then, I, because of my vast and extensive living experience at my advanced age of around 6...at least far more experience than Angie had since she was 5 1/2 months younger than me...understood our relationship of 'cousins' to be different than it actually was.  I thought the term 'cousin' meant something akin to 'friend'.  So on those days when Angie wouldn't agree with me or do what I want, I clearly remember telling her, "Fine.  I guess we're not cousins anymore."  Then I'd storm away leaving her crying and begging me not to disown her, saying that she'd do what I want...at which point I would generously give in and reassure her, "Okay, I GUESS you're still my cousin."
     I'm not sure exactly when the knowledge of the fact that she was my cousin wasn't in my control came to me, but I've thought of it since, mostly laughing at how ignorant I was.  I was just so sure, with my young mind, that I knew what I was talking about that I didn't even think to ask anyone if what I understood was the truth.
     Fast forward years and I became a (gasp) teenager!  Yeah, by that time I was SURE I knew everything.  I was totally misunderstood, everybody picked on me, I never got what I wanted...etc.  And I was totally right in my knowledge of my world and my relationships, and was frequently irritated at those who had the gall to suggest that I was mistaken.  What was wrong with those people anyway?  Did they think I was stupid?  I knew what I was talking about!
     I was in my early twenties before I truly had the rug pulled out from under me and had the opportunity to look at the world in a whole new way.  I finally learned that as opposed to being omniscient, I in actuality knew very little about life.  All of a sudden I realized that the world I knew and saw didn't actually revolve around the rules that I had always understood to be its governing force.  What was I supposed to do then?  It was an incredibly scary thing.  Everything I thought, everything I knew was wrong.  I can't tell you how completely humbling that was when I finally understood.  Thankfully Heavenly Father was there to help teach me to look at things a different way.  Even if I didn't know what the heck was happening, I was following someone who did, someone who wanted me safe and loved me.  He helped me understand many things and I continued to learn and grow; I saw more of a more correct picture of reality or truth, or as I learned to think of it 'the way God sees things'.  It has had me on my knees many times since then, questioning my knowledge, my pride, my self worth, my desires, etc.  And I can't say that I've completely conquered it yet.
     Now my life has changed in a new way.  I'm on the other side of the fence.  In the last few months I've had 2 children move into my house and for the first time I'm a full time parent of sorts.
     I've had the opportunity to practice my parenting skills for 7 1/2 years now since I met Lyle and had the opportunity to try and care for Taylor and Annie without any prior parenting experience...except bossing around my younger siblings which was quite fun on the whole, though probably not exactly the training I needed.  When I met Lyle's kids they were 8 and 6 years old, their minds still young and malleable.  They looked up to me and thought I knew what I was talking about (sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't, sometimes I thought I did when I really didn't), but they respected my knowledge and experience.
     We've had many experiences together and life has moved on.  Years pass and all of a sudden they are now the (gasp) teenagers!  I've changed in their eyes.  I have become someone who doesn't know anything.  Where they used to care about my advice and want my good opinion, they now think they know everything (ironically exactly how I did when I was their age...go figure) and that I don't understand them, enjoy being mean and making them follow rules, am extremely annoying in expecting them to keep their word, etc.  All of a sudden I once again know absolutely nothing.  And although I laugh knowing that it's partly a phase and that they'll have their chance to learn about their complete lack of understanding of life, their new opinion of me hurts a bit.  The sad part is that they are right.
     I always thought, like most people probably, that I knew a thing or two about parenting.  I recognize the fact that because I haven't had children of my own, there are parts of my knowledge that is woefully lacking, but I do have common sense, a strong morality, and I've learned to put my big girl panties on and do the hard parts of parenting without too much embarrassment.  But just like in my early adulthood, I've come to understand that I know so much less than I thought I did.
     I remember being a teenager, I remember the feelings, struggles, pressures, confusion, divided loyalties, not knowing who I was or what I wanted and so many more things that go with that stage of life, and yet sometimes I now feel that since my own experience, somehow or another teenagers became a completely different species, as yet unknown to humankind...or at least to me.  When did that happen?  They talk funny, worry about stupid things (in my opinion), want to wear the most horrid clothes.  One minute they want my help while the next they have everything completely in their control and know exactly what they're doing so just leave them alone, thank you very much.  The thing I find going through my mind the most often these days goes something like this:  'Wha...huh?  What the heck are they talking about?  What are they doing?  That makes no sense whatsoever!  Just keep cool, Laura, keep cool.'  I try to fake that I know what I'm doing, but I have a terrible feeling that they smell my insecurity, rather like my copier at work smells my fear that it will jam again and so it does jam just to spite me.  What's am I supposed to do now?
     I guess I should learn from my past experiences and go to the One who does know what the heck to do, since I clearly haven't the foggiest idea.  Somehow the Lord still understand teenagers, and I mean actually understands them as opposed to thinking they do like I did.  I have no idea how to influence my stepson to think about the consequences of his actions before he makes his choices.  I am at a complete loss as how to help my stepdaughter truly understand her worth, which I know will empower her in so many ways.  How, in the name of the every loving stars,  do you get your teenager to WANT to go to school, eat good stuff, brush their teeth, go to bed somewhere before dawn, look at their future, not spend every waking moment on social media or on their cell phones, be totally enthralled at what they call my 'lectures' and most importantly to want to have a testimony and a relationship with the Lord?
     Sheesh!  I'm totally exhausted just trying to figure it out!
     I guess I'll just have to keep in tune with the spirit, make greater strides toward being understanding and having patience (ha ha, that's a laugh), and most of all love them no matter what.  I think I'll leave the rest to Someone who knows a lot more than good old Mrs. Know-It-All (yours truly).